First of all we would like to express our deepest appreciation of the new Prime Minister Mr Samaras. He has told the whole world officially what we knew all along, that is that he was bullshitting the Greek electorate through all that crazy anti Memorandum rhetoric. He didn’t mean a word of it and has in fact proved far more amenable and servile to us than even Venizelos, god bless him, has been.
Now, as to progress on achieving targets. We are delighted to say that we can add to this prevailing up beat mood over Greece. One of our major targets, abolishing the welfare state is well on the way to full achievement. By the devilish plan dutifully carried out by our minion Loverdos, all health care funds were merged into one, and this new single fund has managed to handle the situation in an easier way.
It no longer pays for any services at all, whereas before, not all the funds obeyed this stricture. Now, not only has free medicine been abolished through the pharmacists’ inability to carry on with this service, given that they are no longer reimbursed by the state, so all Greeks have to pay for all medicines prescribed from now on.
But that is not all. The doctors of the Social Security services have also been obliged to suspend their services till they get paid all the arrears (which are months). Needless to say we shall make sure that no one gets paid so we have thereby abolished just about all health services in Greece.
The cuts we have enforced have also had another very beneficial result. Policing and army services have dwindles enormously. In this way, there will be an abundance of illegal migrants from Asia who will be willing to work for a pittance when we have bought up the country’s assets and introduce slave labour conditions. Which, we have to add, we are already well on the way of achieving. So the outlook is good.
We haven’t got very far with asset stripping, but we are not worried about that since it can wait till after the Grexit, when Greek Assets will be more like freebies rather than even dirt cheap as they are at the moment.
Our proposal is that we push through with all these further 20 billion in cuts which will mean that the Greek people have nothing left at all, hence to resistance left in them either. This will be easy. Samaras is already begging us for more punishment and anyway, we have already told him that if he pushes through the cuts we might consider giving him the extensions he wants.
Now if he complains, all we shall say is what he said in Germany, no one is free of sin! In other words we did not mean a word of it either! Bullshit goes both ways you know, matey.
Now all this will take us through to around the end of October. Our report will be favourable in general only it will point out all the delays, particularly in asset stripping… we mean privatizations of course, and failure to reduce debt to GDP levels and the deficit. This really is the nastiest one of all, if we may say so, since the whole policy we impose is designed to increase the deficit and debt. And if their new wonder boy Stournaras can’t even see that, too bad.
We shall not agree to disbursement of the delayed installment till the figures have improved (ha, ha, ha! Sorry. It’s so lovely I just can’t help laughing). Greece will not default at once because it will have grabbed some of the exorbitant taxes it has imposed, enough to keep it going for a month or so. Or in any case, it can always delay payments to its public employees, even though that is the last thing they would want to do. Well, it may in fact be the last thing they do after all.
So it is our firm belief that Greece will last one way or another till the beginning of November. The American Elections will be held, and then we can kick Greece summarily out of the Euro after we have completely ruined her economy.
We deserve, we believe, congratulations.
Signed: the Troika of IMF, EU, ECB Gauleiters.