In November, Mitt Romney scrapes into the US Presidency, whereupon a plot by Paul Ryan’s mother, based on the remake of the film The Manchurian Candidate is set in motion, except unlike the film, it is successful and the new President is assassinated at the inauguration ball, so the ostensibly grief stricken Paul Ryan is sworn in as 45th President of the USA.

Over in Europe, the Eurozone has begun to unravel after the exit from the Euro fist by Finland, under the code name  Fixit, and then Holland, under Nexit. Grexit is still awaiting the outcome of the American election.

In further panic stricken, desperate attempts to keep the Eurozone together, The Frau has decided that the best way to do this is by strict example. Further austerity measures must be imposed on Greece whereby anyone who is still alive by the end of the year is subject to a “lucky-to-be-alive tax”, to make sure that this time all targets will finally be met.

Antonis Samaras willingly complies declaring that if we don’t do this we will be unable to pay public employee salaries and pensions and Greece will be kicked out of the Euro. The aid who nudges him discreetly to point out that there are no pensioners left, and the few public employees left are a handful of Samaras’ own relatives, gets summarily executed.

Back in Italy Mario Monti has already been hanged upside down from a meat hook, and France and Spain have reinstated the Bourbon dynasty together and crowned Juan Carlos’s son King at Rheims Cathedral.

Greece remains in the Eurozone under threat from Frau Merkel that the Lucky-to-be-alive tax is not sufficient since forecasts have again proved inadequate and the debt to GDP ratio has risen to thirteen and a half trillion per cent, overshooting the thirteen trillion projection, so more curs have to be made.

Samaras agrees saying that we have to do this otherwise we will be unable to pay public employees salaries and pensions and we will be kicked out of the Euro. After what happened to his last aid, the new aid fails to point out that there are only three public employees left and they are all his own relatives.

In the face of this turmoil, Ireland also leaves the Euro in disgust and begs the UK to take her back into the Union lock stock and barrel, and hang Parnell and all that nonsense. Nothing could be worse than Merkel’s Europe and the Euro, not even the United Kingdom!

Greece remains in the Eurozone, but Portugal, Belgium even Cyprus, have left quietly by the back door when no one was looking. Merkel insists that she wants to save the Eurozone and tells Samaras to tax any fish left in the Aegean because President Ryan has declared that an exorbitant import tariff will be slapped on all imports to give the US economy a chance to get back on its feet.

Merkel scoffs that this idiot hasn’t got a clue on how to solve an economic crisis and he should follow her example by swiftly instituting strict austerity. President Ryan decides on full isolation of the US instead and positions the American fleets all around its coasts to ensure this, while distributing copies of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged” to every member of the armed forces protecting the country’s borders.

Totally oblivious, as he always is, of everything going on in the real world, Samaras, attends the Eurozone summit, unaware that he is the only other one there. Before she has even said anything, he vigorously nods his agreement with her, greatly pleasing The Mistress. Till Wolfgang Schauble points out from his wheelchair that President Ryan has just signalled the end of the German Economic miracle because no more Mercedes, or anything else, will be exported to the US any more under his armed isolation policy.

Merkel shrugs and turns to Samaras telling him to ratchet up the austerity measures to meet his targets because otherwise he will be kicked out of the Eurozone.

In a panic he sends the newly constituted state police (made up of Golden Dawn volunteers) to collect all and anything they can squeeze out of the taxpayers to balance the budget, by any means. That is, the well tested means of physical force.

Otherwise… he threatens the people (whatever has been left of them that is. A few hundred, if that.) We must take these measures, or else we will be unable to pay public employee salaries and pensions and worse! The Mistress will kick us out of the Eurozone!

This time his aid finally plucks up the courage and says,

“But sir! You are the Eurozone!”

“How so you insignificant little groveller?” (In a panic one always attributes one’s own faults to one’s minions.)

“Well, everyone else has gone! Even Germany! Greece is the only country left in the Eurozone and you are the only one left in Greece!”

“But where are my subjects? Where is everybody?”

“The last tacky boat headed for China with the last surviving refugees from Greece is just about to set sail from Piraeus. And I’m sorry, I have to rush, because otherwise I’ll miss it!”

And that was how Samaras lived up to his word.

“We shall stay in the Euro at all costs!”

It didn’t matter that he was all on his own. He had done it! he had proved himself!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile back in Berlin a strange ghostly apparition begins to haunt the streets at night. Rumours abound as to whether it is the spirit of Rosa Luxembourg or Karl Marx. Frau Merkel immediately orders that strict austerity measures must be imposed immediately on anyone giving this rumour any credence.